Top Tips For Online Dating!
When it comes to finding a mate online, it can be extremely hard to know exactly which route to choose. I started dating men I met online when I was 20 years old, and learned a lot about the process (and myself) along the way. I’m 35 now, so 15 years ago dating online was still a very new thing. I had several friends and family mock me for doing this, but the fact of the matter is that I was extremely shy at that age. The idea of trying to find “the one” in New York City as a very shy person was enough to make me want to run and hide! Don’t get me wrong though, I did date men I met in person after signing up to some online services, but those fizzled out for a variety of reasons. If you’ve never dated online but are thinking about it, here are some tips I used to meet my guy through an electronic matchmaker.
Pick A Great Photo
I’ve placed this tip first because we all know that first impressions make a huge impact on who we allow into our circles! Each dating site will have their own specifications on what kind of photo you can use (i.e. no sunglasses, no group photos, etc), but from my experience the best choice would be a photo that shows your whole face with eyes facing the camera. Above is the pic I used on eHarmony when my husband saw my profile. As you can see, I’m looking dead at the camera, and have nothing obscuring my major features. While the other pictures on my profile did show more of my body, I set this picture as the primary so anyone matched with me could clearly see what I look like. You can’t underestimate this tip, as the wrong photo can turn away the person that’s meant for you!
Now this is a pretty obvious one, but you wouldn’t believe how many liars I met during my years of online dating! While the big lies regarding the wife they have at home or three kids in another state are bad enough, “little white lies” about what kind of relationship they want to have can also be quite devastating. Before I started dating my husband, I was involved with a man that was divorced with one child. We hit it off great, and I began to feel excited about our relationship. After a while though, I realized that he had not been honest on his profile, and that he had no intention of getting married again or having more children. Had he been truthful on his profile, then we would have never been matched (since I was definitely honest about the fact that I wanted to be married), and I would not have devoted time to him that could have been spent on someone else. If you only want a hookup, then say so! Leading people on with incorrect info can be extremely hurtful, and more importantly, extremely dangerous!
Choose The Right Service
This tip harkens back to what I just said in my last paragraph. We all know that there are some services you use for a casual fling and others you use to deliberately find a mate. I used quite a few services during my single days, but as I mentioned above, ended up meeting my husband through eHarmony. If you’re not meeting the kind of person you want to be with it’s probably time to think about the process you went through to set up your profile. The eHarmony questionnaire is intensive, and really geared to asking all the questions you’ll need answers to for picking a mate. Now this post is not sponsored by eHarmony, so I’m giving you my honest opinion on what my husband and I went through. I also dated men from Match.com, and while I did meet some nice men, many of the men matched to me had specifically noted in their profiles that they were not comfortable dating outside their race. This was of course fine with me, except for the fact that I was continuously matched with these men! After about the 10th time of reaching out to someone that didn’t want me, I terminated my subscription. With the sheer number of dating sites available nowadays, it is not a bad idea to use sites that might cater to a particular trait/aspect that you’re interested in. For instance, if you’re Jewish and watch to date/marry within your religion, then try out J Date. If you’re only interested in dating someone of your own race, then do a search for it. Trust me, they’re out there!
As I mentioned above, I was in a relationship that did not work out right before I met my husband. The end of that relationship lead the way for me to meet my husband. Now I don’t mean that in the “I was free to find my hubby” kind of way. I’m actually saying that as a somewhat scorned woman, I was brutally honest and frank in my eHarmony profile. I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I spelled out exactly what I wanted and didn’t want right next to my picture. I’m not sure if anything has changed since the last time I was on the site, but at the time, I could not edit most of my profile. Instead, I poured it all out as the first thing a person would see when matched with me. When my husband and I first talked, he mentioned to me that my honesty is one of the things that attracted him. This is not to say that I wasn’t being completely honest before I changed this info, but there’s a tendency to skirt around exactly what you need because you don’t want to come off as desperate or overly assertive. This is my opinion, but I know for a fact that I was a lot more timid about what I need than I ever would be in “real” life!
I thought about writing this post for a very long time, and hope that at least one of my tips will help someone else find the relationship they’re looking for! We all have our own experiences and beliefs on what we need, so please use these tips as a basis for your foray into online dating. I plan to write more about not only my online dating experiences, but also about what filters I placed on my account to find the men I wanted to date. The road to a real relationship from an online start can be a long one, but should you find “the one”, then you’ll honestly forget about all the bumps along the way!
Ever been in an online relationship? Please share your experiences as I love to hear about them (good or bad)!