Losing My Dad
Not A Normal Monday
On April 10, 2017 my father passed away after fighting through complications from pneumonia for the past few months. This is not the “normal” type of post I plan to include on this blog, but I felt it needed to be posted. My father was a very complicated and difficult man, but he was mine. That’s pretty much how I choose to look at the memories he left behind, and I can honestly say that the bad memories really don’t matter anymore. I’m definitely not a pro (thank goodness), but here’s how I’m dealing with this parental loss.
When I decided to move to South Dakota to be with my then fiancé, my dad was just about to turn 80, and I had been living with him for my entire life. Deciding to move was not an easy decision, but I knew that if I wanted to have a real relationship with my now husband and stepchildren, then a long distance relationship from Brooklyn was not going to work.
The main thing I learned after moving away from my parents was to really cherish the good memories and lessons I learned while living with them. Although I had come to the realization much earlier in life that my parents are not perfect, it was much easier to see this as I began to raise my stepchildren. Could I really blame my dad for yelling at me about locking the front door? Especially in light of the fact that I constantly remind my two kids to lock the door behind them! Now this was a really simple example, but I’ve had so many thoughts running through my head the last couple of days that things like this continually cycle back into my mind.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this very rambling diatribe, this is not the sort of blog that I plan to post all the time. However, this very sad situation reminds me of how happy I am to have this outlet for my feelings. Now obviously I have plenty of family to lean on and talk to, but the truth is, sometimes it is just so much easier to talk to strangers about the issues that hurt the most.
My initial intention was to start this blog promptly at midnight on April 15th, but with everything going on this week, I knew that I needed a small delay. Trying to help my mother plan a memorial service for my dad from over 2000 miles away has been incredibly draining! We also happen to be mid move from our current home to our new one, and so I feel pulled in every direction possible!
Thank you for teaching me to be strong, independent, resourceful, and resolute in my beliefs. I will hold all of the good memories close to my heart, and will share them with your grandchildren so they’ll know of your kindness. Thank you for my love of baseball (GO YANKEES!), and the summer afternoons at Coney Island or the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. Thank you for accepting the man I love so readily, and for always encouraging me to wait for this man, and not pick up any of the “bums” you always warned me against. I will always miss you!
I’m going to stop this post now before I become even more overwhelmed thinking about my dad, but I would love for any of you who have suffered this kind of loss (or any kind to be honest) to share your coping mechanisms in the comments. Thank you for reading this post, and for taking the time to stop by!